'I should ask mom, dads never know': ER doctor assumes dad doesn't know any his son's medical information, asks mom to check the forms instead

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Oct 19, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

The dopey sitcom Dad has been the archetypal American father for some time. He's more interested in drinking a beer and watching the game than hanging out with his kids. He's not that smart, and he doesn't want to be. His work is lengthy and unfulfilling, and although he loves his family, they are incidental to his life, where he is the protagonist. While these stereotypes are painted with large brushstrokes and don't account for the nuance that comes with real individuals who aren't Homer Simpson, they exist because there is some truth to them. Many fathers who are not textbook "deadbeat dads" take a less-than-involved role in their children's lives. I'm not saying that if a dad can't spend more than weeknights and weekends with their kids, then he's ancillary, but he should at least know his kid's birthdays, medical histories, and middle names. Unfortunately, a lot of dads can't live up to that incredibly low standard. 

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    today.
    via CDC

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Doctor thinks I'm a clueless dad
    via u/bahodej
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    Went to the emergency with my son and wife, he had an emergency food allergic reaction. Dr comes in and looks at us both and says "Mom come out and fill this paperwork, probably know more than Dad." While my wife was out of the room filling out paperwork a different Dr came up with a medical wristband and asked me to check if the info was correct. Before I could finish checking the spelling of his name he pulled it back stating "I should ask mom, Dad's never know." I do know everything though. a
    via u/bahodej
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    The_Sown_Rose I work in a medical field. I never assume the father knows nothing and I've met many fathers who were involved and knew all the relevant information. But I've also met fathers who genuinely didn't know their kid's birthday or when their last check up was or if they had any allergies. I've also met fathers who looked at me like I was mad for expecting them to know this. I've only ever met one mother like that.
    via u/The_Sown_Rose
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    deathbychips2 I've also worked with many fathers for months in counseling who have older children and they do not even mention that they have kids for months. Just one day they will make an off handed comment about their child and I'm like ??? Wait? What?
    via u/deathbychips2
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    piggybits I had to go to the pharmacy a few months ago but was way too sick so I asked my dad to take me. We get inside and he's speaking for me because I was just too out of it. Pharmacists asks my dad my birthday, dad turns to me to ask my birthday.... We have the same birthday
    via u/piggybits
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    Not-A-SoggyBagel Same. I've also had male patients who have no clue on what's going on with themselves health wise and just straight up tell me to ask their wife. They have zero clue on what meds they are taking, what those meds are for, what surgeries they've had in the past or why... it's like they don't think this information is important enough for them to know? So of course these guys wouldn't be able to tell you a thing about their own kids when they nothing about their own health. There a
    via u/Not-A-SoggyBagel
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    squeeky714 My dad was that kind of dad. If he had to do paperwork he would ask me the answers. like "when's your birthday." We don't talk much anymore.
    via u/squeeky714
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    drawnred one time when i was 6 my dad got me a dog tag when we were visiting a base in boy scouts, the spelling of my first name was wrong and the middle name was a different name entirely....
    via u/drawnred
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    CommonDifference25 It would have been good to say "You probably encounter a lot of dads who don't know this info but I do and I'm happy to answer these questions." The stereotype doesn't exist for no reason. I encountered so many dads who don't know their kid's DOB, social, allergies, medical history, immunizations, medications, school info, teachers, daily habits (like bedtime or diet), and so on.
    via u/CommonDifference25
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    Even worse they would sometimes lie or minimize rather than admit they don't know. Sometimes they would eventually say stuff like "Well the doctors said it's asthma but I think he just doesn't like running for sports" or "He used to have some weird allergy thing, I don't know what it was, but it's better now" and the wife would shout "YEAH IT'S BETTER BECAUSE HE TAKES 6 PILLS A DAY FOR IT" I rarely encountered this behavior with mothers.
    via u/CommonDifference25
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    Sorry you were judged based on the actions of others. That and it's not fair. Doctors have to be very pragmatic though and they will cut to the most reliable source of info, which is usually mom.
    via u/CommonDifference25
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    Salt-Respect339 My husband was a stay at home dad when our kids were younger, everyone knew (school, other parents), but still they always tried to reach me first if e.g one of the kids was sick and had to be picked up, to arrange for playdates and so on. "Thanks, let me try and reach husband because I'm at work and at least 1hr drive away, I can't really speak to what he can/can't do right now."
    via u/Salt-Respect339
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    Will admit that sometimes I do the exact same with other moms in similar positions, even though I'm aware, ugh. Typical gender role expectations are so ingrained into all of us somehow, even if we don't like it ourselves. I hope the next generation will be less stuck in their expectations.
    via u/Salt-Respect339
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    One_Rest_6358 This is why misogyny negatively impacts men too. Women are always expected to be the nurturing caretakers while men are expected to have no involvement in caring for their kids. It's everyone. up for
    via u/One_Rest_6358
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    xKingCoopx ER nurse here. Although it's unacceptable for them to assume dad is clueless, I understand why they do it. I can't tell you how many kids I've checked in with dad who doesn't even know their birthday, how old they are, or why they even brought them in. On the other hand, mom knows everything about the kid 99.9% of the time. That being said, I would never just dismiss dad right to his face. That's very
    via u/xKingCoopx
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    Astronomerlcy9695 Men who actually know this, really need to start calling out your peers who don't. Make fun of them. It's pathetic how many fathers don't know basic info about their children.
    via u/Astronomerlcy9695
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    Positive Lychee404 I agree, those guys. Unfortunately, they are super common. That's why it's up to us to push back on the , low effort men we see in our life. I'd bet you at least a few of your friends are this stereotype, you just don't know it. We have to do better for ourselves and for others. The rage you feel now is a tiny sliver of the rage women feel about dragging their partners along like an additional child through life.
    via u/Positive_Lychee404

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